cassandra syndrome support group
Shining a little extra light on the fact that it is always important, with every human being, to consider the whole person in addition to noting strands of commonality. Strange fixations about how the house should be arranged all the furniture lined up against one wall, or all the appliances in the kitchen crammed onto one counter, because it "looks better that way". The label "Asperger's Syndrome" began to be used in 1997 in the USA. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. 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It can eliminate the worry that a person is severely mentally ill. Check out AANE.org for a list of qualified therapists. I can use all kinds of self-soothing, EFT, meditation, etc. The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. Thanks, Maya! They may rely on their partner to articulate this experience, but this is quite different than saying they don't have this fundemental human trait. Acceptance by friends and family members is more likely. Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. In Greek mythology, the god Apollo, gave Cassandra the supernatural gift of prophecy as a way of trying to win her affection. Our groups are facilitated by Lisa Anzuldua, one of our caring team members. October 13, 2021 by Hanan Parvez. Anywhere in NJ she can get help for Cassandra Syndrome? Not that ASD is like polio, but as an example of how different situations can bring about different attitudes: For people who suspect they have Autism Spectrum Disorder and want a professional evaluation, I provide a comprehensive assessment of these conditions. Oh gosh, you are so right! With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? The only way to tell is to be around someone long enough to experience what they are like, to see how they respond in situations that test the features of Aspergers and ask the right kinds of questions to clarify whether they have those features. It explains my crushing loneliness and pain and his bafflement and frustration. Find a support group for other people who have partners on the spectrum. Just knowing how the person behaves, thinks and feels does not, in and of itself, tell you whether he or she has Aspergers. End of. Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Adult Autism Psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. Join our caring Cassandra Syndrome Support Group where you will find growth and understanding from others who are living your experience. Who cares, there's more than one way to skin a cat. She is a Psychologist who had a Asperger's parent. It can support the idea that the person has genuine difficulties arising from a real, legitimate condition. Cassandra & OTRS Support Groups FOR THE NEUROTYPICAL SPOUSE RELATIONSHIP OF CONVENIENCE? First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. Individuals with Aspergers are rarely deceitful, in fact, they are often considered excessively, even naively honest, quite unlike those with APD who are predictably deceitful and unremorseful, and unlike people with Aspergers they are incapable of feeling genuine love. Cassandra Syndrome - Zen Mind (partner's/ex of a man with ASD/Asperger's) Public Group | Facebook. They tend to be irritable and aggressive and to get into physical fights or commit acts of physical assault (including spousal or child beating). He had no awareness of mine or our childrens feelings, how our feelings may impact an event or situation and it became despairing. Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. Brain imaging and studies of the brain structure show similarities between the two disorders. How can you find out if you have Autism Spectrum Disorder? Then why not all join hands and make empathy deficits okay and focus on other skills to guide behavior, like a solid moral compass, compassion, agreeableness and emotional self-regulation. And I'm also thankful that I was introduced to this job role wherein I not only benefited from my work but also I'm learning in most cases the articles I read are having a significant impact on my personality as well as my understanding of people around me suffering this type of issues. I am not defective. I am also a Consultant of Cassandra Syndrome. And again, I wasnt censoring you. Narrow, repetitive behaviors and interests. Has anyone, AS or NT had experience with cassandra syndrome? I let it go at that time and decided to seek therapy for myself since my husband kept telling me I was always complaining, sad, depressed, delusional, critical, judgemental, condescending, needy etc.. After promising to be his lover in return, Cassandra later went back on her promise, and the enraged Apollo cast a curse on her that while she could see the future accurately no one would believe her prophecies. A compelling vision rooted in your highest values so that you may return to or, for the first time, establish a strong sense of self. She is currently conducting online and in person private couples retreats. BlogAbout UsOur MissionOur All-Star TeamComplaint ProceduresNo Surprise ActClient Reviews. We had 6 kids in 10 years when I wanted 3. However, when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse on her. On the other hand, in combination with other signs of Aspergers, not noticing how people respond in conversations, could be a significant confirmation of an Aspergers diagnosis. Click below to ask a question or schedule an appointment. Dr. Kathy McMahon (Dr. K) is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. An acceptable explanation to other people about the persons behavior is now available leading to the possibility of reconciliation with people who have had problems with the persons behavior. Counselling - Deborah Lawrence Sudden and terrifying explosions of rage. Autism: Difference or Disorder? - The Neurotypical I discovered her after reading her books about the relationships between Aspie and NT's and how the NT suffers. They dont conform to social norms with respect to lawful behavior, such as destroying property, stealing, harassing others, and cheating. PARTNERS of Alexithymics face unique challenges that are often misunderstood by others, creating an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. If this need is not being met - and the reason why is not understood - then mental and physical health will be negatively affected. I cant comment on hate groups because I have no affiliation with them, nor do I approve of any group that espouses hate. Believing Cassandra is part of New Path Couples Therapy, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. These usually arent temporary, unfortunately, but they can change with proper care and attention. Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) - Facebook Looking toward growth and finding a broader view of the past. Very validating! Additionally this caused me to question my sanity. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. It is alarming that those who push this agenda refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue with objective individuals in order to control the narrative. When a couple arrives at couples counseling, the NT partner may be feeling overwhelmed and distressed by the relationship. Everything matters..everything is dissected and analysed. He still does. I am different. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. I am a good and interesting person. I will take pride in myself. I am capable of getting along with society. I will ask for help when I need it. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. I am never going to give up on myself. I will accept myself for who I am. She was married to an Asperger's man. For example, someone with Aspergers can be quite intelligent and have mastery over numerous facts, yet have much less comprehension emotions and how they are expressed. Additionally, when the information used to make a diagnosis comes from multiple sources, like family history, an experts observations, school, medical and other reports, questionnaires and standardized test instruments the diagnosis is likely to be more accurate and reliable. I have been married to a man that has the symptoms of Aspergers for 16 years. --- Recovery from Emotional Deprivation for Neurotypical Partners in Neurodiverse Relationships: https://www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/--- Group for ASD. Nothing was ever spontaneous. Why go through with it if there is no good reason to assume there might be some likelihood of finding the behaviors and signs of Aspergers? And their history with the mental health establishment and labeling with inappropriate mental disorders is legendary. He has never been in trouble with the law, is reliable and honest. But the nice thing about this group is that the ladies can support one another in between our sessions on Skype. The easiest way to understand Cassandra Syndrome is to relate it to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). When I love you, I will want to understand how it impacts you. It was an especial relief to read this quote from Maxine Aston (I'll look into getting her book): "She will be saying things like []He treats me like an object he is obsessed with routine. It helps when that evidence is available but it is not critical. The term takes its name from Cassandra, a character in Greek mythology who was offered the gift of prophecy by Apollo in order to win her affection. Sounds sort of flip but Penelope Truck once said that neurodiverse women are more like neurotypical men. In contrast, adults with Aspergers have more specific preferences about the kind of sensations they like and dislike. I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking to me. CS the psychological and emotional distress experienced by a neurotypical woman married to a neurodiverse man One wife described her husband as follows: Hes incapable of seeing another persons point of view. I feel very comfortable with dating or being in social situations with others. I have a deeper understanding of the difference between neurodivergent. -Dr. K, How do I find a therapist that will work through my trauma with me, from this relationship (25 years)? Everyone's different." While it is not legally acceptable to do so, we know that silent discrimination happens, hiring decisions are not always made public and competition can leave someone with a different profile out of the picture. When Mark's program was over, I was left with a new support group of other women from all different age groups and backgrounds all going through the same experience as me. They may be frustrated, claiming that their partner refuses to talk about emotions, is overly controlling, 'narcissistic' or blames them when things go wrong. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. And clearly there is not a person at fault here, only unintended consequences and lack of understanding. You can read more about Lisa on her bio page. Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. We both respect and advocate for living and loving in effective neurodiverse relationships and many of us have taken advanced training to be better at doing this. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. GROUPS | Believing Cassandra They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused. I hope you are able to learn from your ignorance and not spread misinformation like this in the future. See if the changes I made fixes it! By deliberately misleading these women, the individuals promoting this agenda are not only acting unethically, but also causing significant harm to the affected women, their families, and in some cases, innocent men who are being unjustly blamed for relationship difficulties. Ya, intellectual empathy is hard to grasp or for many to consider real empathy. We work with what we have, and a diagnosis, either way, doesnt depend upon any one piece of the assessment process. They believe that their partner gets off with a much less onerous task. "This is why I felt strongly compelled to do this group (how could I NOT do it?). Dr. Kathy Mashack and Mark Hutten are two other fairly prominent professionals who counsel us partners to release all expectations that our ASD men will demonstrate empathy indeed, this wild, unrealistic hope is what keeps tripping us up. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. To claim that any group of people has no empathy is a damaging accusation. You should be able to find an individual therapist who understands your issues. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. I have had many cases where I was able to conclude with confidence whether the person had Aspergers without seeing one single piece of written evidence about that persons past. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. They show little remorse for the consequence of their actions and tend to be indifferent to the hurt they have caused others. Some people spend hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings in order to reduce their fear that germs, dirt or chemicals will infect them. I literally had no idea what I was getting myself into. I run a Cassandra Syndrome support group and give talks and advice to groups and professionals. For more information and support regarding the Cassandra phenomenon, visit the Families of Adults Afflicted with Aspergers Syndrome website. There are good things about him/us, but it's exhausting to do such a large proportion of the emotional labor. Just call me Cassandra! Going on 4 years with a resistant, undiagnosed man, and doing the best I can to navigate/survive/thrive without any support. Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. Hed just say I needed to see a Doctor. Aspergers and Social Anxiety Disorder share the common element of discomfort in social situations. Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. As an NT in a neurodivergent marriage with (an as-yet undiagnosed) Aspie, I'm feeling so incredulous. He cant cope with any plans being changed, has to organise and control everything and no statement or question can be made without there being the Spanish inquisition into it. Some individuals with neurological problems are in fact (not simply in allegation) at-risk of harming themselves and their children. On the other hand, people with Aspergers tend to focus on only one activity at a time, and they focus on that activity intensely with little regard for anything else going on around them. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. Not surprisingly, confidence and self-esteem are frequent victims of living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder adult. I also have said specifically here that both spouses must change and most of them feel like they have most of the responsibility TO change. Cassandra Syndrome Recovery [Ladies Only Please] - Facebook Cassandra Syndrome Recovery This post will focus on the more user-friendly termCassandra Syndrome. Misappropriating CPTSD (which is the result of prolonged trauma, most frequently during childhood) by claiming that simply dating a neurodiverse person is incredibly demeaning to people who have actually been through traumatic experiences. The core features of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are frequent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced as unwelcomed and uninvited. What are the advantages & disadvantages of a diagnosis? -Dr. K. Grateful for the even-handed public education. Support Groups and Online Forums - The Asperger / Autism Network (AANE) I need help, I feel my health is detiorating. Thank you so much! The description of the neurodivergent marriage finally hits the nail on the head. That is VERY important. History The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. My grandmother had polio, lost the use of one leg, was kept in bed in a leg cast for a year because that was the prevailing medical advice in the rural Midwest, was fortunate and went to college (govt. Presenting these findings is a multi-step process. Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome/Cassandra Phenomenon (OTRS/CP) In 1997, FAAAS came up with the term Mirror Syndrome to explain the way NT spouses and NT family members are adversely affected by AS behaviors, especially undiagnosed AS in adults. Freakier still is that, several years ago, without yet suspecting my husband was on the spectrum (despite the fact that his father was textbook, and not very high functioning [ended up homeless and then in assisted living for nearly three decades], and every sibling also displays strong traits), and without ever having heard of this phenomenon, I voiced several times that I "felt like Cassandra from the Oresteia." Emotional Deprivation Disorderis yet another term. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. There is a big difference in how adults with ADHD use language compared to adults with Aspergers. For more information, contact namifaithnet@nami.org or the NAMI Help Line at 703-524-7600. People with Bipolar Disorder (BD) have distinct ups and downs in their mood. They keep asking me why does he always have to control everything, why does he always tell us off and order us to do things without ever listening to what we really want. Alexithymia is the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions. See more supported polio victims education) and taught, helping people, her whole life. All too often, spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder are met with puzzled looks, bewilderment, or even skepticism when describing their relationships. Thank you for the request, someone from our team will send you more information via email shortly. He refused to get help, refused to acknowledge he may be ASD and have OCD (despite our son being diagnosed with ASD) and refused to talk about anything I was just accused of critisising him. I need help for my daughter. I NEED HELP!!! Aspergers people do show and feel remorse whereas people with APD do not. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that it's to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. Drop-In Support Groups - Counseling & Psychological Services | CSUF You. Many of these women have been purported to suffer from "Cassandra Syndrome," a term coined by psychologist Tony Atwood to refer to women who suspect their partners have Asperger's syndrome, but are disbelieved, . Indeed, they are usually enjoyed. It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping. Many times, if he is an older man who has mild autism spectrum disorder, he would have been diagnosed. The only person he seems able to be attached to and feel empathy for is his (enabling) mother. Feelings of guilt. If your answer is Yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. They tend to react passively to difficult circumstances, as if they are directionless and are drifting along in life. I'm pretty much just a roommate. There are also characteristics that are related to Aspergers but are also shared by other conditions. One is the intense aloneness at having ones experiences either disbelieved or outright denied. Ready for the next step? While it was named after a mythical woman, it is not restricted to wives in neurodiverse marriages, but can happen with either gender. The inability to have a satisfying emotional connection leaves neurotypical partners believing something is wrong with them. About this group. I would suggest if you have any interest, you seek out the training offered to the public and neurodiverse couples at aane.org. I may not just know without you telling me, but I certainly can know if you do. Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder And the Cassandra Phenomena While in Mark's group, I completed homework exercises. The line reads, "Typically, only when their children are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum do those around her begin to question whether her husband may be likewise neurotypical." My friend and landlady who is Aspie says, "When you've met one ASD person, you've met one ASD person. This is truly mind-boggling. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. I cried a lot in private. Cassandra Phenomenon - Through a glass darkly LiveJournal Superficial social contact, niceties, passing time with others are of little interest. Does Your Man Have Aspergers? - ADD & ADHD Holistic Treatment Return to a strong sense of selfand self-esteem. The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. Social Anxiety Disorder, also called social phobia, occurs when a person has a fear of social situations that is excessive and unreasonable. Because the person with AS does not have the same relational needs as the non-Asperger partner, he or she is often unable to instinctively recognize the emotional needs of his or her partner and may feel ill-equipped to meet them. Thriving Beyond Cassandra and Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome I'm starting to thrive. If he feels it is wrong, then it is wrong. This blog, however, isnt one of them. Thats my clinical opinion and thats what Ive written here. Help! That is not an insurmountable problem. It is often a relief for spouses to discover that this is not only a myth, but that those on the spectrum can have cognitive empathy in abundance once they understand their partner's particular personal experience. They are withdrawn because it makes life easier. People simply dont comprehend the turmoil involved in living with Autism Spectrum Disorder symptoms. They get distracted easily and jump from one interest or activity to another. . They often say things such as, "Im not the same person I used to be. Fortunately, more couples therapists are getting trained in identifying neuro-atypicality and learning how to work effectively with neurodiverse couples. This article speaks to neurotypical women however. I just welled up reading this. THIS IS HUGE! My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. They often say things such as. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. Neurotypicals (NT) have tossed out the damaging accusations that neuro-atypicals (NA) have no empathy. There can be a new sense of personal validation and optimism, of not being defective, weird or crazy. It explains why ordinary couples therapy has been disastrous. I was particularly appreciative of the compassion that Dr. Roberson shows for the patient with this disorder., This would be a good first book for someone who wants to learn more about Aspergers Syndrome (AS).Yvette Mimieux Dr Kildare, Grafton Base Hospital Visiting Hours, What Happened To Spotty The Lion Cub, Td Ameritrade Invalid Session, Cocktail Waitress Jobs Las Vegas No Experience, Articles C